Or, to put it a few other ways:

Which candidate is less of a "populist?"

Which candidate is less likely to relate to "average Americans" and share their concerns?

To state it cynically, which candidate is slightly less likely to sell the rest of us out to global elites?

And, which candidate makes you yearn more strongly for a viable third party?

1. Bush tries to present a cowboy image, and many people buy it whether they consider "cowboy" a good thing or not. Kerry tries to present a tres sportif image. It works unless there's no wind, the bike store doesn't have his brand of innertube, or a secret service agent makes him fall.

2. John Edwards wowed them at this year's Bilderberger conference, in fact it may have been the imprimatur he needed to be selected as Kerry's VP. Dick Cheney is a member of the Trilateral Commission.
3. Bush and Kerry are both members of the Northeastern establishment. They're both also members of Skull & Bones. Bush attends the super-secret Bohemian Grove conference/party. It's unknown whether Kerry is a "Grover."
4. Bush has a $3100 mountain bike. Kerry has an $8000 road bike.
5. Edward's dad was a supervisor in a mill. Bush's dad ran the CIA and was President of the U.S.
6. Bush is amigos with Vicente Fox. Fox wants to see the border between the U.S. and Mexico disappear and he's doing his darnedest to make that happen. Fox also thinks the millions of Mexicans currently in the U.S. - including Mexican-Americans - belong to the greater "Mexican Nation." George Bush is also amigos with members of the Mexican elite who are even more unsavory than Fox. Kerry would like to be buddies with Chirac and Shroeder.
7. Bush locked horns with the U.N. regarding Iraq, but also supports the Law of the Sea Treaty. That would greatly enrich the U.N. and give them a great deal more power. Kerry told The [Harvard] Crimson in 1970. "I'd like to see our troops dispersed through the world only at the directive of the United Nations."
8. George W. Bush and the Bush family are close to the Saudi royal family. Prince Bandar bin Sultan is commonly referred to (by Bush) as "Bandar Bush." Kerry's connections to the Saudis are unknown.
9. Bush supports CAFTA, Kerry opposes only the current version of it.
10. Bush has proposed an amnesty for illegal aliens. Kerry has proposed an amnesty for illegal aliens.
11. Kerry supports the DREAM Act. That would give illegal aliens a lower college tuition than some U.S. citizens. The group that banged on Karl Rove's windows a few months ago was demonstrating in favor of the DREAM Act.
12. Jeb Bush came out in support of giving Florida driver's licenses to illegal aliens, until several Florida sherriffs came out strongly against it. Kerry opposes giving driver's licenses to illegal aliens.
13. Bush has Halliburton, Diebold, the Christian Right, and others. Kerry has, among others: George Soros, Steve Bing, MoveOn, Hollywood, Michael Moore, and Al Sharpton.
14. Karl Rove supposedly told Congressman Tom Tancredo "never to darken the door of the White House again." Kerry's campaign co-chairman was the president of the UCLA chapter of a racial separatist organization.
15. Bush assistant Margaret Spellings laughed cynically when it was suggested that the U.S. should enforce immigration laws, and Bush appointee Asa Hutchinson stopped enforcing the immigration laws after complaints from Mexico and others. Hillary Clinton said at the Democratic Convention that we need to "secure our borders."
16. John Kerry and party dined at Wendy's in Newburgh NY. Each year, George W. Bush buys empanadas from a company in El Paso.
17. Teresa Heinz-Kerry is worth at least $500 million, perhaps more than a billion. The Bush family is rich, but probably not that rich.

UPDATE: Still confused? Just remember, Kerry is the taller one. If you have even more helpful mnemonics, please leave them in the comments.