Gabrielle Giffords' first immigration speech

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I've been told that one of the big blogging stories of 2006 was all the hacks, er, bloggers who were hired by campaigns. Well, guess what! This blog has just been hired by a politician you've probably heard of, and you'd never guess I'd be working for her, but I am.

Finally today I can announce: I've been hired to give the plain English, BS-free version of Gabrielle Giffords' speeches. The plucky Arizona legislator beat Randy Graf in November, sparking the massive Graf/Hayworth canard, and one of her top goals is finally "solving" the immigration crisis.

Here's my maiden attempt for "Gabby" (from the apparent transcript here):

Mr. Speaker, we have made some major accomplishments this week, but one area that particularly pertains to my district and to the State of Arizona has not been addressed and that's the crisis in illegal immigration. For too long Congress and Washington have failed to act and we must secure the border now.

(Gabby is saying all this to show that she's tough. Heck, some people might buy it so it's worth it.)

We must move this year with a sense of urgency to pass a comprehensive immigration reform package that's tough, effective, and practical.

(Here, Gabby is expecting the word "tough" to shine like a diamond in a lump of something or other. Of course, those "in the know" know that "comprehensive immigration reform" means a massive amnesty, but many of her constituents will only hear "tough". And, those "in the know" also realize the "sense of urgency" is needed because the natives are getting very, very restless.)

We need to increase border security using modern-era technology radar, drones, electronic surveillance. There must be more border patrol agents and more support for those border patrol agents.

(More "boob bait for Bubba", this of the "virtual", Bennie Thompson kind. Those "in the know" already ignored that paragraph or laughed how her omission of the real fence probably passed over the heads of the lumpen proles.)

We also need tough employer sanctions for those employers who are knowingly hiring people illegally and a guest worker program so that people can come in and work legally, safely, and return back to their home country.

(Of course, those "in the know" know that those sanctions would be as vigorously enforced as the current ones are: only when politically necessary and reluctantly at that. And, of course, Gabby lied: everyone knows most of our "guests" will never go home.)

Working to pass such measures will be my priority in this 110th Congress, and I look forward to working with members on both sides of the aisle on this important issue.

(Of course, the only ones excluded from that list of collaborators are a small number of Dems and a larger number of GOP House members who support what's in the U.S.'s best interests.)