Our sources deep inside the White House have revealed to this blogger a shocking scheme: President George W. Bush will step down... only to be replaced with his father, the former president whose only distinction is being slightly less horrific and having an additional middle initial.

Under this scheme, Dick Cheney will step down in order to pursue his lifelong dream of being the CEO of a major government contractor. Then, "W." will appoint "H.W." to be the new vice president. Then, "W." himself will step down. "H.W." will become the new president, and will appoint Michael Chertoff as the new vice-president. In case the latter is not allowed (White House/RNC experts are still checking the Constitution for loopholes), they are prepared for the eventuality of Nancy Pelosi as vice-president in the spirit of bi-partisanship.

Breaking...

UPDATE: Our sources now report a fierce internecine battle, with Bush Faction 1 supporting Poppy, and Bush Faction 2 suggesting that it's now Jeb's turn to be president. A preliminary coin flip was held, but was invalidated due to (the elder) Barbara's intervention. Noelle shockingly suggested a competition to see which Bush could be the worst Bush ever, and nominated Zeke Bush/George P. Bush combo to run our country, with (the younger) Barbara going to Education and Jenna going to Defense. Developing...