Democrats offer "A New Direction for Latino Families"

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The Democrats have various plans for different races: "A New Direction for __African-American____ Families", "A New Direction for ____Asian-Pacific Islander-American__ Families", "A New Direction for ___European-American__ Families", er, scratch the last one.

Their latest race-based plan is called "Compromiso Democrata con el Pueblo Latino: A New Direction for Latino Families". It's available in this PDF file and a press release from Nancy Pelosi was released last week.

However, through the magic of CSPAN3, I've been able to obtain a transcript of the ceremony where Nancy described the plan:


"Hola! Yo Soy El Nancy Pelosi, Congresswoman de Estados Unidos! Hola! Bienvenidos! Yo tengo un plan! Un plan para Usted! Yo developed estoy plan apres talking to my trabajandoers at my vineyards. They say it's 'muy bueno'!

Now, I want to leo from esto plan. I have pregunted the persona who's doing the transcripto to put the quotes from the plan in italics. Now, yo leo de esta plan:

First, we want to "Promote Economic Empowerment". And: "According to Census data, in 2005 the poverty rate amongst Hispanics was at 21.8% and the typical Latino family income dropped by $1,631 since President Bush took office." The Democratic solution is simple: work with El Presidente Bush to flood the U.S. with cheap labor by declaring a massive amnesty, which will further drive down wages. But, that's a good thing! See, there will be more Latinos in the U.S., meaning your race will have more race-based political power. Plus, you'll be much worse off, and that means the Democratic Party will try to help you even more. It's a win-win!

"Democrats will also continue to fight for an increase in the minimum wage, which disproportionately affects the economic well-being of many Latinos." Of course, because our immigration laws aren't enforced and we certainly won't make sure they're enforced, that will provide an even greater opportunity for illegal aliens to undercut American wages. But, see the point in the last paragraph: that's a good thing.

"Democrats are committed to Latino economic empowerment through our support of linguistically – and culturally – appropriate programs that provide educational, financial, and technical training for Latinos." That means, don't worry: you can continue to linguistically and culturally separate yourself from the rest of the U.S. That is, according to us, the American way.

"Democrats want the DREAM Act to become a reality". That's because we don't find it morally objectionable and anti-American to take something from a U.S. citizen in order to give it to a foreign citizen who's here illegally.

"In addition, Republicans have used anti-immigrant measures to push for health policies that hurt Latino citizens and particularly impact Latino children." See what we mean? To us, "illegal aliens" is just another word for "citizens".

Now, I'd like to read from the part you've heard over and over: "Democrats support bipartisan and workable comprehensive immigration reform that provides a path to legalization for hard-working immigrants". How many times do I need to say this? To us, there's no difference between "illegal aliens", "immigrants", and "citizens".

"...a temporary worker program that protects the rights of all workers, reunites families, strengthens our economy, and honors the values of the United States of America as a nation of immigrants." Now, you're probably thinking, wouldn't that "reunites families" bit be "temporary", since we're talking about "temporary workers"? Of course not: our "temporary workers" would be here permanently. We Democrats are masters of language! And, bear in mind that a "temporary worker program" does indeed honor our history as a nation of immigrants, specifically the parts relating to indentured servitude and the Bracero program.

"We should be focusing our resources on our national security and capturing terrorists and criminals." Now, some of you might be saying, "isn't that the same language that BushBots use?" And, you're right! But, you can easily tell us apart: we're the ones dressed in earth tones.



They can't be serious; for some reason I'm reminded of that Mexican comic book.