Shocking news has just hit the wires, as President Bush has backtracked on his previous strong support for illegal immigration.

In a brief statement released by the White House, Bush has admitted mistakes he made concerning massive illegal immigration, including his willful failure to enforce our immigration laws resulting in millions of illegal aliens entering during his six years in office.

Speaking in the Rose Garden, Bush made the following statement:

"I hereby admit mistakes that I've made in the past, and I pledge to finally begin enforcing our immigration laws as I should have been doing these past years. I apologize to the American public for refusing to do what they want and instead doing the bidding of a small number of special interests."

"I realize, however, that my new pledge to do what I swore I would do will result in various dislocations. Therefore, I am also announcing that our forces are currently advancing on the Punjab, and its lands and abundant low-priced labor will soon be available for use by our strawberry, avocado, artichoke, kiwi fruit, and other necessary speciality fruit and vegetable growers. These speciality growers are truly essential to our economy, and I will do whatever is necessary to make sure that they keep growing their vital crops."

"In addition, we are now occupying the greater part of Honduras, and its labor and land are available for use by banana, plaintain, and other growers of vitally important tropical fruit. We will be offering generous resettlement bonuses to qualified growers so that they may begin establishing plantations in these, the jewels of America's overseas possessions."

"I thank you for your time."