How *you* can help Barack Obama finally win this thing
A lot of people aren't content to simply sit back and wait for Obama to win. Instead, they want to get involved and help him finally seal the deal.
Here's a list of ways that you can help:
1. Simply bringing a stuffed monkey bedecked with Obama stickers to the next McCain/Palin rally isn't enough. Make sure that CBS News gets it on tape.
2. On your website or TV show, just keep asking, "why won't the MSM cover this?" Because, eventually someone from the MSM is going to come along and do something. Just wait, they'll be there eventually.
3. Stage your own robbed-at-the-ATM-by-an-Obama-supporter stunt. Just plan it better.
4. Do not under any circumstances ask Obama a tough question. He's only rarely been challenged, and when he was slightly challenged he didn't respond too well. Instead, just rely on the MSM to ask him questions, knowing that they'll be completely fair and let us know everything we need to know. Bonus: try to discourage others from asking those questions, because as we all know Obama has never put himself in situations where he can be asked questions. Plus, you'd have to wait in line for a few minutes and you might get Joe the Plumber'ed or or it might be raining or you might even get tased!
5. Just preach to the choir, don't try to reach out to the millions of non-far-left Democrats or the undecided.
6. Trust blogdom's leaders. They aren't just paper tigers; they really are interested in defeating Obama.
7. Rail against the "MSM" in general, or the "NYT" in general. When discussing articles containing lies, do not even mention the name of the reporter who's spreading the lies in an attempt to discredit that specific reporter and eventually have an impact on their career.
8. Spend all day long freeping polls over and over, content in the knowledge that everyone relies on their accuracy.
9. Just completely play into the narrative Obama supporters and the MSM want. Do not under any circumstances think ahead.
10. Try to get Andrew Sullivan to link to you so you can get a "cool conservatives" thing going (shoutout to DL).
11. Be a "libertarian" who supports someone who has absolutely no libertarian thoughts whatsoever nor any real use for the First and other Amendments (shoutout to Reason Magazine).
12. Don't go to major, Obama-supporting blogs and attempt to discredit the bloggers. That's too easy due to the fact that they keep being intellectually dishonest or just make things up. Instead, just completely ignore them. You ignoring them will have a telepathic impact on others, or something. Plus, if you do leave comments at sites like that, they might get deleted after a while or - even worse - others might say bad things to you. But, if you must comment on such sites, spend your time engaging in useless ad hominem attacks against other commenters.
13. When leaving comments at sites, do not point out how the site is lying. Instead, just copy and paste in a long, useless comment. Bonus: make sure that your copy 'n' paste is ten thousand words long, completely unformatted, and all in uppercase.
14. Spend as much time as you can researching obscure things that have little chance of success. Bonus: count on those highly improbable things happening, and encourage others to join you.
15. Figuratively sit in a quiet corner rocking back and forth. Bonus: do it literally too. Extra bonus: try to drag others into the corner with you.
16. Ignore Digg and similar sites. Those are just extensions of the Huffington Post anyway. Plus, monitoring upcoming stories and pointing out flaws in them is useless: those comments will just get dugg down anyway so just let Obama supporters post "joke" after "joke". Don't Digg accurate stories against Obama and don't encourage others to do the same; keep Digg's lists free of any contrary information.
17. Don't waste your time even signing up for Time's Swampland or similar MSM sites where you can leave comments in an attempt to discredit MSM reporters. Because of the fact that you ignore Time and the Washington Post and similar sources, that automatically means that what they write has no impact on anyone else.
18. Don't provide a fact-based argument pointing out Obama's ties to the largely unrepentant terrorist Bill Ayers. Instead - since you're busy - just cut right to the chase and call Obama himself a terrorist. Don't point out that "spreading the wealth around" is a socialistic thought different from even progressive taxation, but just shortcut things and call Obama a socialist. Don't worry, you won't play right into the hands of "fact checkers" or anything like that.
19. When posting videos to your site or others, be just as mysterioso as you can be. Don't even provide a basic who/what/where/when for those who won't or can't watch videos. Do not provide an accurate summary including the most salient points. Bonus: post a mysterioso link to a 93 minute video in order to waste the most of others' time as you can.
20. Make videos containing quotes taken out of context, then give them highly inflammatory, 100 word titles and then hype them to the greatest extent possible. Because, your view counts hold the key to the election.
And, finally: Don't learn from this list.