Bush admits: "I was wrong about amnesty."
In a shock admission just released by the White House, President Bush announced that he had changed his mind completely on his recent proposal that would give amnesty to millions of illegal aliens.
"After much deliberation, I've decided to change my mind about my recent proposal," Bush stated. "I realize that the United States is a country of laws, and I refuse to support and encourage law-breaking. Furthermore, any form of amnesty will act to the detriment of the millions of people around the world who have been patiently waiting for legal immigration for many years. Line-jumping is a fundamentally un-American idea."
"The very fact that we have millions of illegal immigrants in the U.S. - and the fact that it would be almost impossible to deport them - indicates an extremely dangerous problem for this nation. The solution to this problem is not to encourage further illegal immigration, but to make illegal immigration an unprofitable endeavor," he continued.
"I am calling for a full enforcement of our immigration laws both at the border and in the interior. Any companies that employ illegal aliens will face the strictest possible penalties. I realize this may not be very popular with certain labor-intensive industries. However, it is in their best interest. We cannot allow our industries to be dependent on near-serf labor. Instead they must modernize like other industries have. Progress and modernization are the American way."
"Further, proposed legislation such as the DREAM Act makes no sense, and is fundamentally un-American. Why should illegal aliens pay lower tuition than U.S. citizens?
"I realize now that any form of amnesty - whether called an amnesty or not - will simply lead to more and more illegal immigration. The seven amnesties in recent history brought us to the current situation, as did lax border and interior enforcement and other factors. We cannot repeat the same mistakes and expect a different result."
"It is untenable that we should have millions of citizens of other countries in the U.S. It is quite an unsafe situation, and leads to America being forced to bend to the will of other countries. That I will not stand."
"We will continue to be a nation of immigrants and we will accept hundreds of thousands of legal immigrants each year. However, as president I will not allow, support, or condone law-breaking and line-jumping."
"Karl Rove has just entered my office and handed me a card," Bush continued. "Let's see what's written on it. 'April Fool's, America!'"