What really happened?
export EVENT=Northeast blackout
echo "While the rest of you are trying to figure out what really happened, I've already figured it out.
Obviously, Shrub wanted to drag attention away from $IRAQ_OR_SIMILAR, so that's why he and his neo-conmen cause this $EVENT.
Speaking of $DEROGATORY_BUSH_TERM(rand()%234), where was he when the $EVENT happened anyway? Perhaps he was $PRETZEL_OR_SIMILAR_EMBARRASING_SHRUB_MOMENT(rand()%32)."