New Paltz!

October 8, 2003: If you're looking for targets for your stinging social commentary and satire, New Paltz is truly a target-rich environment. In Kingston, I picked up a copy of their local free rag, the Chronogram. It has a glossy cover and nice paper inside; other than that, it's pretty much the LA Weekly without the transsexual prostitute ads, but even more far gone:

If the first Iraq war was named Desert Storm, the second might be called Perfect Storm. The run-up to the 2003 war witnessed an extraordinary convergence of factors that produced near perfect journalistic participation in the Bush administration propaganda operations... [etc. etc. etc.]

Then, comes a section devoted to "Whole Living."

In all his travels, Lonewacko has never seen a higher per-capita rate of holistic health practioners and other spiritual professionals. Perhaps on a neighborhood basis in Santa Monica, West L.A., or WeHo we might be able to find an equal rate, but I doubt it. Where the heck did all these people come from? Who are their clients? The local landed gentry, gone soft and in search of spiritual awakening? Visitors from "The City?" Lonewacko will attempt to find out. "Ms. S.", who Lonewacko met in the parking lot of a local grocery store, thinks I'm overstating it, but I don't think so. This is truly an anomaly of demographic proportions.

New Paltz even has a Green Party mayor.

From the addresses given in the paper, Woodstock looks like it's along the same lines as New Paltz, but Lonewacko didn't visit that fine burgh. However, based on information supplied by "Ms. S.", he just might.

When he stopped at a local laundrette to buy soap, Lonewacko asked someone else about these practioners. "I'm probably asking the wrong person." "No" came the reply. "Holy Jaysus, have I stumbled upon a holistic health practitioner doing her laundry?" I wondered to myself. Needless to say, this was not going to be a Greenspun moment. Retorting my sneer, she said, "It's probably because this area is more intellectual than most." Ouch, that got me. "But, even Berkeley or West L.A. don't seem to have as many of these fine professionals per capita as your fine burgh" I Huelled back. "It's probably because of the mountains." "But, those aren't real mountains" I snorted. (OK, they are real mountains, they just aren't CO or CA mountains.) "Yes, I know they aren't real mountains and I don't call them that, but they fit the definition of mountains." And, she left with her laundry, leaving Lonewacko even more confustigated than before.

Lonewacko also learned through another source that the Woodstock of lore didn't take place in Woodstock, but took place 20 miles to the south.

Lonewacko is also considering a special project. It will be difficult to offend the New Paltz Chamber of Commerce and the Green Party and all the rest all at the same time, but Lonewacko might give it a try even though Lonewacko wants to start moving south as quickly as possible. Even though he has the feeling that it'd be like riding a motorbike through an orchard shoveling low hanging fruit into a large basket, it still might be fun. Stay tuned.