Are you searching for a reason to believe, Lauren Tewes?
"Hello everybody, this is Brad Williams! Welcome to Fantabulous Offers! You might remember me as Lorbock from Battlestar Gallactica. I have a question for you...
Are you searching for a reason to believe in John Kerry?
Join with us today as we explore all the reasons you should believe! And, with me to help in this quest is former Love Boat actress, Lauren Tewes!"
"Thank you Brad! It's good to be here supporting John Kerry!"
"I've got a surprise for you Lauren!"
"Oh, Brad, you know how I love surprises! So, what's in the box?"
"It's a new special offer from MoveOn Productions Bahamas Offshore Registry Ltd.! It's a brand spanking new Kerry Kit!"
"Wow! A Kerry Kit! What's in it?"
"Well, Lauren, The Kerry Kit shows you the John Kerry you have never seen before through exclusive, never-before-seen video, revealing articles, and literature that cuts through the spin!"
"Wow! What's on the DVD?"
"Featured on the DVD are excerpts from acclaimed director George Butler's forthcoming documentary, Going Upriver: The Long War of John Kerry!"
"Is that all? Don't you have another surprise for me?!?!"
"Yes, that's right Lauren! Your Kerry Kit also includes a booklet containing insightful and informative articles from David Corn (The Nation), Paul Krugman (The New York Times), and David Kusnet (former speechwriter for President Clinton)."
"Wow! But, with all that and more, how much is the Kerry Kit going to cost me?"
"Because we're desperate and overflowing with cash from George Soros, the first 100,000 Kerry Kits are completely free of charge!"