John Lear reveals: Elk deaths caused by "soul catcher" glitch

LONEWACKO HEADQUARTERS OUTSIDE PAHRUMP, NEVADA -- As this blog previously broadcast using our giant antenna, elk have been mysteriously dying near Yellowstone National Park. Almost all possibilities were discarded: "calcium deficiency, chronic wasting disease, bacterial and common viral infections, tick paralysis, meningeal and carotid artery worm as causes..."

This blog is now prepared to announce the real reason for these mysterious deaths. After an exclusive interview with John Lear - son of Lear Jet founder Art Lear - we have determined the cause to be a software glitch - related to Moon Year 3000 - in the software that runs the "soul catcher" apparatus on the Moon. This information had previously only been available to Jimmy Doolittle and other members of the super-ultra top secret level MJ12 - or higher -.

Now, we are able to report this information here.

The cover story provided to the public in order to calm their fears is lichen.

Stay tuned to my giant antenna to hear updates as they are available. If you are using the RonCo wind-up compass, orient yourself facing Orion 3 and tune into Channel 382.

OutdoorSports · Mon, 03/22/2004 - 23:00 · · Importance: 1