"ARNOLD TRIED TO EAT FLUFFY"

"I was walking down the street with Fluffy, when up came this big monster of a mean man. He had a German accent and he was carrying a copy of Mein Kampf. I saw him insult several women, People of Color, and GBLTs and when he got near me, I was scared. He was looking at Fluffy [Becky's cat --ed.] with a strange look in his eyes. 'Gif me ze cat' he said. 'Why do you want my cat, you monster?' I asked. 'I am hungry. I eat pet cats. And pet dogs. For fun.' I'm very glad that Bob [completely independent political consultant Bob Mulholland, Becky's neighbor --ed.] happened to be passing by, and he shooed Arnold away using a copy of the local fishwrap/tabloid."