An Open Web Letter to The Gap
To Whom it May Concern:
I have been a long time fan of not only The Gap's clothes, but its television advertisements as well. However, every time I see the recent Down on Khaki Street advertisement, I cringe.
Without a doubt, Zooey Deschanel is slightly attractive, but what bothers me is the danger that the stars went through. Four of today's up and coming megastars (including the guy from Dude, Where's My Car?), riding as fast as they can on flimsy bikes down a steeply sloped street. Anyone who's ever ridden a bicycle knows how dangerous they can be, and not just from cars and pedestrians.
These stars were exposed to dangers such as rocks, oil, and mud in the roadway. How many times did they have to peddle their bikes down the street? All it would take is a little exhaustion, and any one or all of them could have easily done an "endo" (gone over the handlebars).
One minor mishap could have easily turned this into a Nightmare on Khaki Street. What precautions (if any) were in place to protect these stars?
I hope at the least that The Gap spent the few minutes it would have taken to remove rocks and other foreign materials from the street. However, and this is the crux of my concern, is that all that was done, or were special measures in place to safeguard these precious celebrities?
For instance, did The Gap create a special "stunt" street out of thick carpet?
Did they steam clean the roadway?
Perhaps, there was a special foam sprayer attached to the camera, which would spray the entire street with foam immediately upon any signs of danger.
Those are just the most basic precautions which should have been taken. In addition to those, allow me to suggest the following:
There are many other precautions that I, had I been the director, would have taken. I fear, unless my advice is heeded, that The Gap is playing with fire and putting our beloved stars at risk.
P.S. I think you should auction the celebrities' bikes (or parts thereof) on eBay for charity.
P.P.S. Please do not deride this as yet another "Letter from a Nut." (See Going Postal: A Sociological Interpretation of Ted L. Nancy’s Letters from a Nut and Other Adventures in Epistolary Mischief-Making ). I am writing this letter from my own perspective; I am not posing as someone with obscure and absurd needs or wants. I am simply applying sound scientific principles, and conducting an Einsteinian thought experiment, to help solve what I perceive as a very real problem.