wacky: Page 1
Dear Zooey Deschanel:
It's been almost a decade since I last wrote about you, way back before most knew who you are. That time I was writing about a Gap advertisement, this time I'm writing about your recent Apple Computer advertisement (video below).
Let me first preface this by saying that - then as now - I find you quite adorkable.
Yesterday, Guillaume rushed into my office carrying a copy of [[Tom Friedman]]'s "What happened to 'We'? and urged me to read it. Even before I'd finished it, I realized that America's greatest pundit had done it again: crystalized in just 400 words the way forward, a plan to get us out of this mess.
Accordingly, I've decided to revamp this site a bit. Instead of posting "wacky" posts, I'll be concentrating on each individual post trying to make it as good as a Friedman column.
I'm not entirely sure, and I can't quite understand what's going on. It certainly appears to be some form of patriotic film of some kind, celebrating the ordinary lives of ordinary people as well as their collective strength when they join together into one country oriented towards one progressive goal. Some of the farming machinery and the like seems a bit out-of-date; was this filmed in Indiana?
If only someone in the Obama administration had paid attention to this, they might have saved themselves some trouble.
What a doofus. At least John Kerry knew enough to wear a helmet, even if it was as brightly-plumed as most roadies. Of course, unlike Kerry, Obama was just riding a cruiser and he was probably just doing 3MPH for a cheap photo op. Kerry - our answer to Vladimir Putin - has probably wind-surfed between the mainland and Martha's Vineyard and then climbed that island's highest point.
Here's the top ten things that have caused the recent drop in visits:
I'm willing to consider a lot of things about Obama, but I'm just a little bit skeptical of this:
The Obama White House is abuzz with talk of witchcraft by first grandmother, 72-year-old Marian Robinson, who lives in the White House residence. A close friend of Michelle Obama says the president is furious at his mother-in-law after learning that she was practicing Santeria, an African spirit cult, in the White House... ..."Marian invited an old friend from Chicago to visit her at the White House, and she performed a Santeria ceremony in the residence. When Michelle saw this woman, a voodoo priestess she recognized her from when her father was sick, she had a fit. When she told the president about it, he blew up and said, ‘No voodoo in the White House. Absolutely. I don’t care what you call it.’
Details - and one of Jennifer Aniston - here.
Can you help? From this:
One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee.
Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.
Every revolution needs a great song that their followers can rally around, and the National Tea Party Council has sent me a link to their new anthem which they inform me is great. I haven't watched it yet, but from the preview it certainly looks like one of those tea parties.
As everyone knows by now, every week Guillaume - Team 24Ahead Team Leader and our Director of "Getting You the Information You Need" - is given the opportunity to choose the best video of the week and the like. This week, we sat there in disbelief after he'd announced his choice on Twitter. Not only were we stunned by the choice itself, but we were stunned by the fact that the video he selected has almost a half a million views after just a couple of days. Not only that, but "Fred" has almost 50,000,000 channel views and over 1.2 million subscribers despite having no talent whatsoever. We sat staring at ourselves, wondering whether the fluoride had finally taken effect on the U.S. populace.
There was only one thing to do: a Team 24Ahead Team Huddle. After much deliberation - and thanks to the brilliant strategizing of our intern Gwendolynne Fritz-Ruffalla - we had devised a workable scheme. We would still show Guillaume's choice, but we would show two other, better videos on the same page. His horrific choice would be followed with a couple of actual gems from the Youtube vaults. We would fulfill our commitment to a treasured - albeit misguided - Team Member, and at the same time we'd deliver the same unsurpassed entertainment and information you've come to expect.
Without further ado, here they are. To humor Guillaume, feel free to watch the first for a few seconds just so you understand what we were up against. But, never fear, it gets a lot better after that.
I'm having trouble with it. From "Shrine to Katie Couric brings a call from the goddess herself" (link):
"You're not a freak, you're not a stalker." A fabulous, glowing character reference from Katie Couric considering the way Jason Matheson has carried on about her.
...after months of Facebooking, Tweeting and finagling, Couric finally was going to surprise the [gay] FOX 9 entertainment reporter by calling into Matheson's FM107 show...
"I've been dying to talk to you for months now, ever since I found out you had a shrine in your studio to me," Couric said.
I think I've said enough already, or at least I've thought it.
Weren't you supposed to tell your friends about this site? I mean, the good parts of this site, not posts like this? In other news:
* Hiking earlier today, I saw a green figure out of the corner of my eye, directly to my right. At first I thought it was a dwarf or some other faerie sprite. Then, I looked at it and I realized it was just a bush.
Blogging superstar Glenn Reynolds has a brand new show called "War on Nature!" now available on Pajamas Media. Unlike past shows, it isn't just a beyond-boring snorefest as Reynolds and the same tired extremely minor pundits waste twenty minutes with inanities. Oh, no. In fact, this is PJTV's first non-studio show and it features Reynolds as part of the "Knoxville Bear Patrol".
Together with trusty sidekick Jay Santos, Reynolds prowl the streets of West Knoxville searching out - and dealing with - bears that interfere with human habitation (pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/79707). Other betes are featured too, including a bete noir named David Baron. And, don't think beavers will be safe either (pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/79746).
Heh. Indeed. Go read the whole thing.
P.S. Yes, this is stupid.
UPDATE: The first episode has been released (pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/79852):
TRAIL IN SMOKY MOUNTAINS CLOSED due to bear activity.
Oh, no! And, yes, that's the whole post. It links to this.
Shown right or below is a photo of Pilbara pastoralist John Anick taken three years ago as his entry into a local custom truck lift arm competition (link). Operating his cattle station - located just 1200km northeast of Perth whereever and whatever units that is - gives him plenty of opportunities to employ the lift arm, whether for moving fencing or feed and grain supplies.
A fast spinning windmill appeared "out of control," and threatened traffic on the highway between Los Angeles County's high desert and the San Joaquin Valley, a CHP dispatcher in Bakersfield said today.(h/t Larry Grover; that's Lloyd Bonafide's travel trailer near the beginning.)
The CHP dispatcher said the windmill is spinning too fast and might fly apart, which is why Highway 58 in the Tehachapi Pass was closed down both directions between Mojave and about 45 miles north of Lancaster and Tehachapi.
...At midafternoon, the CHP was calling the windmill's owners to see if it could be shut down.
Lots of people are trying to tap into the tea parties market, but almost all of those in the tea party-supporter way: selling t-shirts, trying to get their lounge singer career going, trying to prevent their nearly unwatched internet video channel from completely failing, and so on.
Congratulations to Melissa Long of CNN! For, our select committee has selected her as our GTNHCNNBOTW, otherwise known as the Gap-Toothed, Normal-Haired CNN Babe of the Week Award.
While not visible in the photo right, she has a bit of a gap although not much. Just as importantly, she does not have a hairstyle that makes you think she's going to sell you real estate instead of read you the news.
Aren't there then pictures that can tell fewer words, and some that can tell more? For instance, a picture of a solid color won't tell you much. But, a densely-packed picture could tell a lot.
And, what of the reliability of the words that a picture tells? That is, will some pictures always tell the same tale to most people, and others will tell widely different tales to everyone who sees it?
I'll let you decide.
As you know, every Sunday for the past 48 Sundays we've selected our Intellectual Property Babe of the Week. The Team 24Ahead Selection Committee was recently finalizing the paperwork for the latest selection - feature-length animator and copyright activist Nina Paley (link) - when suddenly Guillaume burst in, saying, "Zut alors, you must watch this!" We all clustered around his MacBook and watched. "Zut alors, indeed, " I said softly when the video (attached) was over.
After what happened yesterday, Obama has just given in and made the attached video the new national anthem. The earth mama in the green at the end is our new National Earth Mama. Also, Obama announced other NSFW picks. This is our new national documentary and features our new Poet Laureate. Captain Dave (link) now heads up the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
To all interns:
I do not yet know which one of you watched the attached video, but I intend to find out. I am not so much upset about your watching of the video, it's what you did after.
Barely two seconds after the video was over, you began a series of frenzied searches like this one. You watched a no doubt hilarious sketch, and that's the first thing you thought of?
For those wondering why the video is from almost a year ago, the judging process takes time.
The photo below has caused quite a quandry. My first impression was to post it here and invite people to supply a caption. Then, I said, "but, this is a news site and not Fark or something, dagnabbit!" By posting this picture - currently Yahoo's most-emailed (link) - am I causing people to think this is a "fun and games" site rather than the hard-hitting news and analysis site it really is? I'm still torn, but now I guess since I've gone this far I have to include the picture.
Could the greatest threat to humans not be Al Gore, nor monkeys riding dolphins, nor dogs walking and riding on two legs, nor our fellow primates, but rather be military robots staging a revolt? That's the absurd assumption from the U.S. Navy (link, 63A2):
Autonomous military robots that will fight future wars must be programmed to live by a strict warrior code or the world risks untold atrocities at their steely hands.
The stark warning – which includes discussion of a Terminator-style scenario in which robots turn on their human masters – is issued in a hefty report funded by and prepared for the US Navy’s high-tech and secretive Office of Naval Research .
The report, the first serious work of its kind on military robot ethics, envisages a fast-approaching era where robots are smart enough to make battlefield decisions that are at present the preserve of humans. Eventually, it notes, robots could come to display significant cognitive advantages over Homo sapiens soldiers.
Humans have nothing to worry about. Robots are built by humans themselves and, until such time as advanced microprocessors make artificial intelligence a reality, robots will always do what humans program them to do. E4558A29.
Starting today and continuing all day, Team 24Ahead is declaring a Weather Warning and will immediately be implementing Team 24Ahead Winter Weather Watch 2009: Storm Tracker Team Coverage.
ACMA/ACBMA Certified Broadcast Meteorologist and Winter Weather Expert Sunny Mountains will be reporting live throughout the day, offering full Doppler Radar coverage from on top of Team HQ and from throughout the city.
We'll have teams scattered throughout the entire metro and quint-county area to keep you updated as the situation progresses.
Obama releases official portrait: first taken with digital camera. Obama fan reveals ignorance. - 01/14/09
My well of sarcasm is about tapped out, so I'll just point out that Barack Obama's official portrait has been released, and it's the first to be taken with a digital camera: change.gov/page/-/officialportrait.jpg
Florida - America's most entertaining-in-a-bad-way state - continued to make the rest of us look bad in 2008, and not just because of the attractive-but-most-likely-psycho Ms. Anthony (link):
The past year in Florida saw deputies Taser an emu, iguanas fall from trees and a Christmas tree used as a weapon... a 7-year-old was arrested in Palm Beach County after taking his grandmother's Dodge Durango... Three teenagers tried breaking into a car in Tampa, apparently not realizing it was an undercover police car. Oh, and that an officer was inside... a man in a motorized wheelchair robbed a Merritt Island bank. Deputies caught up with him about 500 feet away, finding the money hidden in his prosthetic leg...
Oh no! As you can see on the news video to the right, it looks like Santa isn't going to make it this year. So, what can you do? For a last minute Christmas gift, one suggestion is gift certificates. You can buy those at stores or online from sites like Amazon. Alternatively, just stop at a gas station on where you're going and buy some festively-packaged beef jerky or something.
Just saw a few minutes of the "Sons of Anarchy" cable television show, and, after I figured out what I was looking at, laughed the whole time. The show does not comport with my limited experience with bikers of the outlaw variety. For instance, in one of the scenes showing a phalanx of bikes, I believe there were a few scooters or at least something approaching that. I do not believe that comports with reality. Second, I do not buy Katie Segal - Mrs. Married with Children - as the leader of a biker gang. Third, in my experience they do not look like Hollywood actors.
Consider this clip from the aged punk's show before answering:
Is he putting some of the profits from the show aside in order to get her the treatment she obviously needs?
If his viewers get tired of JG, perhaps he could show bum fights or make fun of the retarded instead.
(From the L.A. Times, via John and Ken)
Conservatives believe in authority, an almost mathematically-based order, efficiency, and reason: