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Zooey Deschanel, Apple Computer, and the decline of the U.S. - 05/07/12

Dear Zooey Deschanel: It's been almost a decade since I last wrote about you, way back before most knew who you are. That time I was writing about a Gap advertisement, this time I'm writing about your recent Apple Computer advertisement (video below). Let me first preface this by saying that - then as now - I find you quite adorkable. However, your ad causes me some consternation because, frankly...

It's time to raise this site's quality level - 10/01/09

... site a bit. Instead of posting "wacky" posts, I'll be concentrating on each individual post trying to make it as good as a Friedman column. In fact, I'm now employing Guillaume as an editor on each one of my posts. Before it reaches the web, he'll be able to fact-check it and modify it as necessary in order to abide by our new rules.

Is this the video Obama wants to show in schools? - 09/15/09

I'm not entirely sure, and I can't quite understand what's going on. It certainly appears to be some form of patriotic film of some kind, celebrating the ordinary lives of ordinary people as well as their collective strength when they join together into one country oriented towards one progressive goal. Some of the farming machinery and the like seems a bit out-of-date; was this filmed in Indiana...

Too bad the Obama administration ignored this - 09/04/09

If only someone in the Obama administration had paid attention to this, they might have saved themselves some trouble.

Time for a teachable moment - 08/27/09

What a doofus. At least John Kerry knew enough to wear a helmet, even if it was as brightly-plumed as most roadies. Of course, unlike Kerry, Obama was just riding a cruiser and he was probably just doing 3MPH for a cheap photo op. Kerry - our answer to Vladimir Putin - has probably wind-surfed between the mainland and Martha's Vineyard and then climbed that island's highest point.

What happened to my traffic? - 08/22/09

Here's the top ten things that have caused the recent drop in visits: 10. My visitor is on vacation. 9. The FBI/SPLC/DHS have decided that monitoring me is a waste of time. 8. A shadowy cabal led by Glenn Reynolds has convinced everyone not to link to me lest they never get "Instalanched" again. 7. My visitor is on strike. 6. HarpFest2009 (reprised below) wasn't the massive traffic booster I was...

Obama: "No voodoo in the White House." - 08/18/09

I'm willing to consider a lot of things about Obama, but I'm just a little bit skeptical of this: The Obama White House is abuzz with talk of witchcraft by first grandmother, 72-year-old Marian Robinson, who lives in the White House residence. A close friend of Michelle Obama says the president is furious at his mother-in-law after learning that she was practicing Santeria, an African spirit cult...

What Guillaume thinks you should be watching - 07/30/09

Safer than noodling: link Good animated short: link Art: link The video Obama gave GE and Halliburton $50 billion of stimulus money to create: link Communist indoctrination video, complete with suspected Russian agents wearing beards in the Lenin style: link Babes: link The Beatnik menace: link

I'm having trouble making a joke about this - 07/18/09

Can you help? From this: One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee. Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward...

Hear the new Tea Party anthem - 06/28/09

Every revolution needs a great song that their followers can rally around, and the National Tea Party Council has sent me a link to their new anthem which they inform me is great. I haven't watched it yet, but from the preview it certainly looks like one of those tea parties. EMBARRASSING UPDATE: This morning, I watched the first few seconds just to make sure this was a pro-tea party video, and...

Guillaume's Pick for June 20, 2009 (slightly modified) - 06/20/09

As everyone knows by now, every week Guillaume - Team 24Ahead Team Leader and our Director of "Getting You the Information You Need" - is given the opportunity to choose the best video of the week and the like. This week, we sat there in disbelief after he'd announced his choice on Twitter. Not only were we stunned by the choice itself, but we were stunned by the fact that the video he selected...

Can anyone comment on this story without sounding weird? - 06/19/09

I'm having trouble with it. From "Shrine to Katie Couric brings a call from the goddess herself" (link): "You're not a freak, you're not a stalker." A fabulous, glowing character reference from Katie Couric considering the way Jason Matheson has carried on about her. ...after months of Facebooking, Tweeting and finagling, Couric finally was going to surprise the [gay] FOX 9 entertainment reporter...

New Chunks for June 15, 2009: "I really should just twitter this" edition - 06/16/09

Weren't you supposed to tell your friends about this site? I mean, the good parts of this site, not posts like this? In other news: * Hiking earlier today, I saw a green figure out of the corner of my eye, directly to my right. At first I thought it was a dwarf or some other faerie sprite. Then, I looked at it and I realized it was just a bush. * As I drove up to the store, I had a feeling that...

New Pajamas TV show declares: "War on Nature!" (starring Glenn Reynolds) - 06/09/09

Blogging superstar Glenn Reynolds has a brand new show called "War on Nature!" now available on Pajamas Media. Unlike past shows, it isn't just a beyond-boring snorefest as Reynolds and the same tired extremely minor pundits waste twenty minutes with inanities. Oh, no. In fact, this is PJTV's first non-studio show and it features Reynolds as part of the "Knoxville Bear Patrol". Together with...

Pilbara pastoralist proud of custom truck lift arm - 05/31/09

Shown right or below is a photo of Pilbara pastoralist John Anick taken three years ago as his entry into a local custom truck lift arm competition (link). Operating his cattle station - located just 1200km northeast of Perth whereever and whatever units that is - gives him plenty of opportunities to employ the lift arm, whether for moving fencing or feed and grain supplies. As you can see,...

Replicated news nuggets for Stardate -314394.52 - 05/25/09

* Earlier I raised the possibility that the hippie movement was a Communist plot. I want to take this opportunity to stress that these guys were probably not in on it. However, the effects of this were so delitirious that the Soviets must have been involved in some way. * Why have none of our valiant class action lawyers challenged one of those "Free Beer... tomorrow" signs? While I've never seen...

A private eCard for 10% of my readers - 05/12/09

Here's a message just for you. It's certainly unfortunate how that happened, but I'm sure it has nothing to do with me. But, I thought I'd send you that card just as a reminder.

Guillaume's Pick: the Playlist for World Peace - 05/08/09

I haven't watched this, but Guillaume tells me it's a really good playlist he created with the intent of bringing about world peace. He thinks if everyone watches this it might happen. I'm posting this for him, trusting in his good judgment.

Breaking news from Tehachapi: traffic diverted due to out-of-control turbine! - 05/03/09

Ever since "Tehachapi wind farm | 28 March 2009" - a six minute cinema verite oeuvre with Hitchcockian accents - was uploaded, I've waited patiently for the moment when I could post it. And, that moment is finally here: A fast spinning windmill appeared "out of control," and threatened traffic on the highway between Los Angeles County's high desert and the San Joaquin Valley, a CHP dispatcher in...

Janeane Garofalo, desperate for any attention, decides to go after tea party market - 04/16/09

Lots of people are trying to tap into the tea parties market, but almost all of those in the tea party-supporter way: selling t-shirts, trying to get their lounge singer career going, trying to prevent their nearly unwatched internet video channel from completely failing, and so on. However, ex-cutie Janeane Garofalo is trying a different tack: appear on the Keith Olbermann show and say...

Melissa Long is our Gap-Toothed, Normal-Haired CNN Babe of the Week - 04/11/09

Congratulations to Melissa Long of CNN! For, our select committee has selected her as our GTNHCNNBOTW, otherwise known as the Gap-Toothed, Normal-Haired CNN Babe of the Week Award. While not visible in the photo right, she has a bit of a gap although not much. Just as importantly, she does not have a hairstyle that makes you think she's going to sell you real estate instead of read you the news....

If a picture can tell a thousand words... - 04/10/09

Aren't there then pictures that can tell fewer words, and some that can tell more? For instance, a picture of a solid color won't tell you much. But, a densely-packed picture could tell a lot. And, what of the reliability of the words that a picture tells? That is, will some pictures always tell the same tale to most people, and others will tell widely different tales to everyone who sees it? And...

Is the TOTUS preparing for a coup d'etat? - 04/04/09

Is the TOTUS trying to make Barack Obama look bad? Or, is it even worse than that and the TOTUS is trying to undercut the Obama administration as part of a dastardly plan for a coup d'etat that would see Obamabots replaced by bots loyal to the TOTUS? I'll let you decide. 1/9/12 UPDATE: The account with the video that was here (Youtube ID j3zft6_mZjs) was terminated. I replaced it with MSNBC...

The 2009 Clean Caption Challenge - 04/02/09

The rules: 1. Don't work blue. 2. None of that Perez Hilton stuff. 3. If you need a break, see this.

Probably Wrong About Intellectual Property Laws Babe of the Week - 03/29/09

As you know, every Sunday for the past 48 Sundays we've selected our Intellectual Property Babe of the Week. The Team 24Ahead Selection Committee was recently finalizing the paperwork for the latest selection - feature-length animator and copyright activist Nina Paley (link) - when suddenly Guillaume burst in, saying, "Zut alors, you must watch this!" We all clustered around his MacBook and...

Obama announces some changes - 03/27/09

After what happened yesterday, Obama has just given in and made the attached video the new national anthem. The earth mama in the green at the end is our new National Earth Mama. Also, Obama announced other NSFW picks. This is our new national documentary and features our new Poet Laureate. Captain Dave (link) now heads up the Joint Chiefs of Staff. This guy is the new Surgeon General. The guy...

Memo to the interns, re: searching - 03/08/09

To all interns: I do not yet know which one of you watched the attached video, but I intend to find out. I am not so much upset about your watching of the video, it's what you did after. Barely two seconds after the video was over, you began a series of frenzied searches like this one. You watched a no doubt hilarious sketch, and that's the first thing you thought of? Not only that, but you...

Erin Burnett: Evil China Apologist Babe of the Week - 03/05/09

Today's ECABOTW ("Evil China Apologist Babe of the Week") is none other than Erin Burnett of CNBC, shown on this clip calling China our best friend because they sell us poisoned toys and food. But, at least we get Everyday Low Prices. For those wondering why the video is from almost a year ago, the judging process takes time. 12/29/11 UPDATE: The video that was here before (Youtube ID...

Help me decide what to do here - 02/24/09

The photo below has caused quite a quandry. My first impression was to post it here and invite people to supply a caption. Then, I said, "but, this is a news site and not Fark or something, dagnabbit!" By posting this picture - currently Yahoo's most-emailed (link) - am I causing people to think this is a "fun and games" site rather than the hard-hitting news and analysis site it really is? I'm...

Robots taking charge and attacking humans? Don't be absurd 8E3EA2B390C35A12 - 02/21/09

Could the greatest threat to humans not be Al Gore, nor monkeys riding dolphins, nor dogs walking and riding on two legs, nor our fellow primates, but rather be military robots staging a revolt? That's the absurd assumption from the U.S. Navy (link, 63A2): Autonomous military robots that will fight future wars must be programmed to live by a strict warrior code or the world risks untold...

Notification #17 - 02/16/09

Starting today and continuing all day, Team 24Ahead is declaring a Weather Warning and will immediately be implementing Team 24Ahead Winter Weather Watch 2009: Storm Tracker Team Coverage. ACMA/ACBMA Certified Broadcast Meteorologist and Winter Weather Expert Sunny Mountains will be reporting live throughout the day, offering full Doppler Radar coverage from on top of Team HQ and from throughout...

Will we get our own song one day? - 02/15/09

OK, I tagged this "wacky" but I could have equally selected "really sick" and "probably not but you never know with the way things are going". P.S. For those who want something completely, absolutely different, this turned up in the same search.

Obama releases official portrait: first taken with digital camera. Obama fan reveals ignorance. - 01/14/09

My well of sarcasm is about tapped out, so I'll just point out that Barack Obama's official portrait has been released, and it's the first to be taken with a digital camera: change.gov/page/-/officialportrait.jpg That's not really noteworthy in itself, but in case you want to continue to be amazed at just how ignorant Obama's fans are, the post by "SilentPatriot" from which I learned this...

Shock: it was a weird year in Florida - 12/29/08

Florida - America's most entertaining-in-a-bad-way state - continued to make the rest of us look bad in 2008, and not just because of the attractive-but-most-likely-psycho Ms. Anthony (link): The past year in Florida saw deputies Taser an emu, iguanas fall from trees and a Christmas tree used as a weapon... a 7-year-old was arrested in Palm Beach County after taking his grandmother's Dodge...

Why you need a last minute Christmas present - 12/24/08

Oh no! As you can see on the news video to the right, it looks like Santa isn't going to make it this year. So, what can you do? For a last minute Christmas gift, one suggestion is gift certificates. You can buy those at stores or online from sites like Amazon. Alternatively, just stop at a gas station on where you're going and buy some festively-packaged beef jerky or something.

Scott Glenn has five teeth extracted, face sanded for show - 11/26/08

Just saw a few minutes of the "Sons of Anarchy" cable television show, and, after I figured out what I was looking at, laughed the whole time. The show does not comport with my limited experience with bikers of the outlaw variety. For instance, in one of the scenes showing a phalanx of bikes, I believe there were a few scooters or at least something approaching that. I do not believe that...

Henry Rollins: how ashamed of himself should he feel? - 11/03/07

Consider this clip from the aged punk's show before answering: Is he putting some of the profits from the show aside in order to get her the treatment she obviously needs? If his viewers get tired of JG, perhaps he could show bum fights or make fun of the retarded instead.

Liberal or Conservative? A primer with videos - 10/06/07

Conservatives believe in authority, an almost mathematically-based order, efficiency, and reason: On the other hand, liberals (called in more extreme cases "progressives" or "socialists") substitute reason for pure emotionalism. They enjoy dressing up as fairy tale characters and similar and engaging in historical re-creations; they believe in faerie sprites, hobgoblins, and elves. They also...