humor

humor: Page 1

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Make your own green-colored poster to remember Earth Day with or something - 04/23/09

Well, Earth Day came and gone; your present is the same as last year's. For this year, I set out to find the unintentionally worst "green" video I could find, but after looking at a few they were just really bad and not bad enough to be funny.

So, instead, I'll let you know how you can create your own green-tinted, earth-friendly Al Gore-would-be-proud poster such as the one to the right. Why you'd want to do that is unclear, but it's there if you want it: link.

Separated at whatever it was? - 04/23/09

It's just a theory I have. Discuss.

Is Michelle Obama sending a secret message to the Dem base? - 04/11/09

Given what happened before, someone has to ask these questions.

It's probably all completely innocent and she's just smiling because she's happy to be outside and enjoying nature's wonders.

Narnia: the magical land where questions for politicians originate - 03/30/09

Some of the top questions in the recent sham where Obama was asked questions weren't about the trillion-dollar checks we can't cash that the U.S. is writing but instead were about pot. Now, we've finally discovered that all of those questions - and votes for them - originated in Narnia. No, not the fictional C.S. Lewis land, but one at NYU (link):

Four NYU freshman suitemates turned an alcove in their dorm into a covert pot den called "Narnia" -- a magical land where all students could enjoy a secret fairytale toke.

To enter the smoke den, stoners crawled through a large hole carved into the back of a university-issued wardrobe that blocked the doorway. Inside, Christmas lights, a set of bongos, a stuffed raven and a poster of Prince Caspian transformed the 10-by-8-foot storage space on Hayden Hall's seventh floor into an enchanted hideaway.

Pictures from today's massive tea party protest - 03/28/09

(Note: That's actually from Cedar Breaks, a very attractive national monument in Utah.)

Caption this picture of Michelle Obama "gardening" on the White House lawn - 03/20/09

Just remember the cardinal rule: don't work blue! Unless it's really funny.

Personally, I think she's looking for his birth certificate. Either that, or the place where the Clintons buried their opponents.

Source: whitehouse.gov/blog/09/03/20/Spring-Gardening

UPDATE: Video added. While she doesn't say it, I think she's upset that the children aren't demonstrating the proper revolutionary consciousness.

"Ramble On" is embarrassingly stupid. Discuss. - 02/17/09

Seriously, a drug-adled hippie who'd only heard about the the Cliff Notes of the book from a friend of a friend of a friend could have done a better job with this:
How years ago in days of old
When magic filled the air,
Twas in the darkest depths of mordor
I met a girl so fair,
But gollum, and the evil one crept up
And slipped away with her.
Her, her....yea.
Aint nothing I can do, no.
By the "evil one", they presumably mean Sauron. But, that makes no sense since he had many others to do his dirty work and he wouldn't waste his time "creeping up" on Robert Plant, even if it were convenient for him. Could there by another "evil one" being referred to? While the orcs were evil - by design, in fact - to call one of them the "evil one" would be giving even the best orc way too much credit. The Ringwraiths ("Nazgul" in Black Speech) were certainly evil, but there were several of them and the "one" part clearly implies a being or non-being who only has one role, i.e. Sauron. Yet, we've already dispensed with his role.

As for the rest, the closest women were in Rohan or Gondor, and there's no indication in the canon of any women attempting to enter the "darkest depths of mordor". Plus, the locution is all wrong; no Middle Earth dwellers would use a word such as "aint", including orcs or even lesser beings.

In brief, the song just does not add up.

Obama defends new "A Millionaire a Day!" program (stimulus bill) - 02/14/09

In a statement, the Barack Obama administration has defended a new program that was inserted into the stimulus bill at the last moment.

Obama fans: let's all complain about New Scientist's "How to control a herd of humans" - 02/04/09

New Scientist offers an absolutely despicable article called "How to control a herd of humans" (link) which discusses research into how political leaders control groups of people through coordinated activities such as singing or engaging in activities as a group:

...Scott Wiltermuth of Stanford University in California and colleagues have found that activities performed in unison, such as marching or dancing, increase loyalty to the group. "It makes us feel as though we're part of a larger entity, so we see the group's welfare as being as important as our own," he says...

While the name of our new president, Barack Obama, is not mentioned, the implication is that he and his advisors and supporters were using these techniques. Nothing could be further from the truth! The Obama movement is truly grassroots, and all are free to support him in whatever way they want.

All Obama supporters must immediately write to New Scientist and demand that they pull this horrific and despicable article. For best results, we should all do that together, right now. Fire up your email client, and begin typing in a letter. Listen to a speech from our president or read aloud his January 31, 2009 weekly address to give you some ideas. All across the nation, let's lift our voices together and show New Scientist the power of our combined voice speaking as one!

DIY: Your own "Make a Joke About the New Whitehouse Blog" Joke Kit - 01/23/09

What You'll Need:
whitehouse.gov/blog
blog.kremlin.ru

"Libruhtarian" is now a dictionary word - 01/22/09

"Libruhtarian" - a word I coined to describe libertarian ideologues - is now a dictionary word!

OK, it's the Urban Dictionary and the OED isn't returning my calls, but it's a start:

Libruhtarian is an alternative to libertarian, meant to highlight the stupidity and internal inconsistencies of their ideology. It comes in two variants: "Libruhtarians" (with a capital "L") are even dumber than their small-l cousins.

My other oh-so-creative addition was the word "deanuts" (link):

As crazy as Howard Dean; acting like Howard Dean; screaming, gesticulating like Howard Dean.

Barack Obama Inauguration Day: how to cope - 01/18/09

We're going to be going through rough seas for the next few days, as Barack Obama will be coronated on Tuesday. That follows Monday being the (unofficial) day of national service. And, all the Inauguration Day festivities will be accompanied by endless mainstream media puffpieces, analogies to Abraham Lincoln, and so on and so forth, literally ad nauseum.

Accordingly, I strongly recommend having a supply of the pictured item on hand.

Make your own "Hope"-style Obama poster - 01/13/09

If you want to make your own "Hope"-style Obama poster, head on over to obamiconme.pastemagazine.com. The server side of their Flash application seems to have more than a few problems, but I was able to make a few of my own:

"Cute Things Falling Asleep" is what's wrong with the U.S. - 01/10/09

A professional comedy writer named Nick Malis runs a chintzy blog called "Cute things falling asleep" (cutethingsfallingasleep.org). It looks to be using a stock Blogger template and it consists of little more than a small number of videos showing things like puppies and cats... falling asleep. And, Malis didn't even make the videos himself but simply scanned Youtube for them. Despite all that, it's currently getting around 68,000 visits per day.

Hillary Clinton winter celebrations message is culturally insensitive; Chelsea wants money - 12/24/08

Dear Hillary Clinton:

I thank you for your recent message wishing me a "happy holiday", however, I am deeply offended at your complete insensitivity, cultural and other.

While at first glance your message (pictured somewhere here) may appear to be as open and welcoming to all as possible, there are two major problems which have, frankly, spoiled this entire season for me.

U.S. Senate funds new productivity-increasing device - 12/16/08

In order to help mitigate the financial crisis, a bi-partisan group of U.S. Congresspeople - led by John McCain and Ted Kennedy - has consulted with experts and helped fund an ingenuous new productivity-increasing device:

News Nuggets for November 28, 2009 - 11/28/08

The Griffith Park Light Festival is currently on-going in Los Angeles' Griffith Park; it's currently only open to pedestrians and presumably bikers, and in a few days they'll open it to cars too. If you're five years old, your parents shouldn't be letting you read this site. But, also, you'll think it's great. However, to sophisticated adults such as myself, it's an extremely cheesy, slightly more outdoors version of something at Disneyland, with creepy wireframes made into various characters and covered with lights. It's also in parts just an ad for the Department of Water and Power.

Even obscure celebrities deserve their privacy - 11/28/08

I will give $1,000,000 (ZWD) to the first person who - without clicking the link or having foreknowledge of the event in any way - can identify the non-entity celebrity who's holding up the following sign or either of the other two nobodies who are at the same table as her.

nobody celebrities

Stumped? Click here.

"Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence" - 07/31/06

From this fine news source:
Wikipedia, the online, reader-edited encyclopedia, honored the 750th anniversary of American independence on July 25 with a special featured section on its main page Tuesday...

Larry Ellison to build "castle bigger than a hundred Versailles" - 10/06/05

Earlier today, Oracle CEO Larry "Lawrence" Ellison announced his latest plans. He intends to build a "mega-castle" that would span several of his Malibu properties. If there are intervening properties, he intends to build gigantic walkways over them; in some cases he will build monorails. His new residence will be up to 10 stories tall, blocking the sun on portions of one of Barbra Streisand's estates. "It'll be bigger than the friggin' MGM Grand" a jubilant Ellison told a reporter.

Paula Abdul found chaste; to continue at Fox - 08/13/05

The world rejoices (link) as it learns that Paula Abdul - the world's hottest TV song and dance competition judge - has been cleared of scurillous charges that she abused her lofty role to obtain favors of a personal nature. A special investigator - hired by Fox News - has determined that she's pure and wholesome enough to remain on that network.

Sources indicated that a statement from Abdul reportedly said:

Terrifying Larry Ellison plot revealed - 07/11/05

[I posted this to USENET [1] some years back. In the unlikely event you remember the references and find this funny, see also my satire about Java's Duke mascot.]

EAST NEWARK, Calif. July 31, 1999 (W-I-R-E-D News) - A terrifying video tape purportedly showing Oracle CEO Larry "Lawrence" Ellison conceiving a dastardly plot for world domination has just been discovered.

What did Janeane Garofalo *really* say? - 02/27/03

DailyPundit (dailypundit.com/archives/008267.php), CrooowBlog (tvh.blogspot.com/2003_02_23_tvh_archive.html#89848367), and The Blog from the Core (weblog.theviewfromthecore.com/001356.html) link to this story (hollywoodinvestigator.com/2002/garofalo.htm) about a decade-old interview with Janeane Garofalo:

We've got an Avid, and we're going to use it - 01/17/03

PBS Media Matters. Ah, yes. The Show on Blogs. We've got an Avid, stock vocal music, a digicam or two, some kind of a secular Xmas tree with people on the branches in a crystaline sphere rotating and rotating, and we think we've got this modern MTV shit down, and we're going to fuckin' use it and abuse it until you're fucking sick to death. Megan McArdle. Black Irish Julia Stiles.

My boobies - 11/10/02


Instapundit links to yet another blog about boobies. Only, this one's got lots of pics. The goal is to raise money for a good cause, so I donated my pic as well.

Blogger Blind Items - 10/07/02

Which Elton John-quoting blogger is also an AFC?

Which well-known blogger is a former Thai lady-boy? (link went bye-bye)

Which blogger learned English by reading this?

<b>Spielberg: "Krackle for all!"</b> - 09/23/02

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - (AP) - On the set of "Jurassic Park IV: Let's just keep milking this dinosaur thing", acclaimed director Steven Spielberg informed a cheerful cast and crew that all present will receive an extra special bonus, in addition to whatever stacks of cash they'll be receieving for their participation in his latest epic: a 5-pound box of Krackle bars.