Thought experiment: how was Feist protected? ("I Feel It All" video)

Canadian songstress Leslie Feist has a new music video for her Welthit "I Feel It All" (link). And, it's hard not to watch it without cringing. There are several reasons for that, but the specific one having to do with the video itself is the thought of what could have gone wrong.

The video was shot in one take, and as she ran around tapping barrels containing fireworks, all I could think of was this. So, as a retread of my much better "thought experiment" involving a 2002 Gap ad, let me present some precautions they should have taken:

1. Painstakingly paint "fireworks" into each frame of the video.

2. Dunking her in fire-retardent chemicals and hiding a fire suit under her striped shirt.

3. Include a clause in her contract stating that Canadians are well known to be resistant to fire and disclaiming all responsibility.

4. Positioning a giant fire extinguisher above the set which, at the first hint of problems, would immediately douse the entire area with fire retardant. Artist rendition of the first milliseconds after activation below.

5. Instead of using real fireworks, use miniature, self-powered, computerized laser cartridges which, acting in concert, would appear to be fireworks.

I believe the last has the most merit. The cartridges would not have to "fly", they could move along pre-positioned titanium wires that would both be strong and nearly invisible. The cartridges would move - perhaps via magnetic or electrical force - along the wires, and could even be powered by the wires themselves. The weight of the cartridges could also be used to give a fireworks style effect. Alternatively, they could be charged with a capacitor initially, and then as it lost charge the light they emit would fade as with real fireworks. I believe that Industrial Light & Magic could pull something like that off with ease.

"Ah", you're thinking: but how would Feist be protected against falling cartridges? Well, first of all, the ends of the titanium wires would contains stops. However, some might yet fly over the stops, and because of that the cartridges would be designed to be as large and light as possible so as to minimize any possible harm. In addition, Feist would wear a helmet during the filming which could be fairly easily Photoshopped out of each frame.

WackyHumor · Sat, 01/26/2008 - 10:53 · · Importance: 1