Is a space alien battle taking place near Yellowstone National Park?

LONEWACKO HEADQUARTERS OUTSIDE PAHRUMP, NEVADA -- Are one group of space aliens - code named 'Zerbians' by ultra-top-secret besuited government scientists - fighting another group of space aliens - code named 'Realians' by that same group of top-secret spooks-?

Have the Zerbians - disguised as elk and located near Rawlins Wyoming in the northwest part of the United States - been affected by chemical agents specifically targeting their DNA? Why have no other space aliens disguised as animals been affected? Why have the crop circles in the area suddenly changed their submodulation characteristics?

Steve Quayle and Earthfiles are demanding answers.

Here is the Intergalactic cover story:

The number of elk dying from a mysterious affliction continues to climb. With nine more reported dead in the past week brings the total to 289, according to Tom Reed of the Wyoming Game and Fish department...

"They were given all kinds of supplements and still died so we've pretty much eliminated some type of deficiency," Reed said.

"We're still keying in on some sort of toxin. Many things have been eliminated like insecticides. It's a slow process but eventually something will just pop up," Reed said. [yet again -- LW]

Personnel have now ruled out calcium deficiency, chronic wasting disease, bacterial and common viral infections, tick paralysis, meningeal and carotid artery worm as causes. Mercury poisoning, selenium toxicity, many of the common plant toxins, a variety of metals and salt, nitrate and sulfate poisoning have also been eliminated.

Another thing officials have dismissed is that someone ran the animals to death. Reed said [yet again one more time --LW] that theory is pretty much off the table.

I will broadcast updates to this story using my giant antenna. Orient yourself at compass heading 89 degrees (heading 76 degrees if you're using the new windup compass) and tune to channel 492.

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OutdoorSports · Thu, 03/11/2004 - 00:37 · · Importance: 1