Hi, Little Green Man? Sorry to call you on your cell.
We weren't supposed to meet until Thursday. But, what's on your mind?
It looks like I won't be going to New England. I went to the clinic, and they tell me they want to wait til Friday to take out the stitches. So, unless I can find a barrio clinic in Northern New England, it looks like staying in L.A. is what I'll be doing for the next few days.
Don't blame yourself, it's beyond your control. Of course, you could always go to yp.yahoo.com and look for a cheapo clinic in Montpelier VT where you could have the stitches removed, but, hey, don't blame yourself too much, OK?
Er, OK, I won't. So, as I was heading for the North Hollywood barrio, I stopped at a 99 Cents store for an ice cream sandwich.
And, I should care why?
Well, as I was perusing the frozen foods section, I noticed a pretty young lady. She was dressed in a kind of office worker type of style. Not quite at the, say, big studio or big Century City law firm level, but more like the Van Nuys office kind of way.
OK...
And, she looked just like Pocahontas.
What did Pocahontas look like?
I don't know. I just mean she looked like an attractive young Native American lady. She had a thin angular face, a slim petite body, and her hands had a little age on them. No, I don't mean liver spots, I just mean it didn't look like she was a spoiled Valley girl, but neither an oil field worker.
Is this description supposed to be complimentary?
Well, it might not come out that way, but that's the underlying intent. Anyway, she was attractive. She was looking at the salsa. Then she moved on. I started looking at the salsa too. Then, I did an end-around around the end of the aisle, and came back as she was glancing at a box with the word "Nips" on it.
Please, get to the frigging point.
So, at a loss for an opening line, I said: "Nips? That's a strange name." She didn't get it. Then she looked at the rest of the rack and said "That's the only one they have." And, she took the package of Nips and walked away.
Is this blog thing you're doing all about all the failures you have?
Well, I'm just trying to make my loyal readers feel better about themselves. Anyways, I'm wondering what I should have interjected? Something like "What I meant was, after years and years of being programmed to be politically correct and to avoid any language that would be offensive to any possible ethnic, religious, regional, gender-related, abilities-related or any other group other than those of the sociologically defined dominant culture, I'm surprised that anyone would name a product "Nips." That is, after all, a derogatory term for persons of Japanese descent. I wonder, is this product from some foreign country, that had tried to market it in the U.S. but had found out that no one was willing to buy it due to its offensive name and had thus dumped it on the 99 Cents store before changing the name of their product? Could you please wait here while I examine the package to determine if my supposition is correct and in the meantime I will think up something witty to say that will result in you submitting to my perverse desires?
Here's a better one: point to the package of Nips and say "I'll flip you for it." Then give her the Arizona Pattern. Bada ba bing. Please, I need to go now. Ciao.

WackyHumor · Tue, 09/24/2002 - 18:42 · · Importance: 1